I’ve watched my dad almost kill my mom, in a chokehold. He used to physically abuse her. In foreign countries there aren’t really laws that prevent that, so she was basically stuck. Until I was about 5 then we left and she divorced him. I really feel for victims of abuse in any way. Whether it’s rape or anything of that sort. It’s crazy how we humans hurt each other.it makes me so sad and I cry about. My beautiful mother, I love her to death. That abuse on her made me really scared, scared to trust anyone, scared of my father and that he would do the same to my sister and I. But I think I’ve overcomed that. He’s a changed man now, he really is. Props to him honestly.
I was violated, but I don’t want to go into details about that.
I struggled with acne and I used to cry every night for about a yr, it was horrible acne. I never wanted to leave the house to go to school or anywhere. I got made fun of, I just hated life. I was depressed and my first suicidal attempt was when I was 12. I tried to swallow a bottle of Advil pills….the whole thing. I stared at that bottle for about 5 mins. God was telling me not to go near it at all. So I cried my self to sleep.
Then my sophomore year in high school was the worst school year of my life. I was always stressed and I started experiencing schizophrenic features. I went to a psychiatric and she diagnosed me severe depression with psychotic features(the schizophrenic part). I got on meds, the side effects were strong on me no matter how low the dosage was I was taking meds for depression and my schizophrenic features. I started getting bad anxiety attacks during school. A side effect was blurriness and It was bad because I couldn’t even read the board. The voices told me bad things I don’t like to talk about it.
I got off the meds, I think the voices only came because I was sooo sooo stressed and I wasn’t caring about my mental state. Well I’m going to reveal my age now lol I’m 16. And I’m on my way to junior year in high school.
I know what I was doing wrong, I was trying to do everything right and everything at once. I wasn’t taking things slow and relaxing. I was worrying about a lot of things that could’ve been dealt with in a different way. I was trying to be like everyone else honestly and not myself. It strained my mental health
Well now, I’m so happy to say that I’m not depressed. This summer I’ve realized a lot of things, I’ve prayed a lot. I’ve cried a lot. And now I’m ready for a new beginning. I’m ready to move on from the past. I’m ready, I’m actually ready. I can now say I love life.
I’ve come a long way. And I’m young so I know I have so many battles to overcome in the future as well. It’s crazy that I just revealed my age.
Oh well….
But I’m happy I can say that I’m happy, I’ve never said that in my life. Even if I have those days I know how to not let it get the best of me.
Just ready for college. I’m a smart kid I think I’ll do well. I still have a lot to learn. May god be with me in my journey.
This was a very emotion post for me and I cried lol
Life is really crazy wow.
Fuck.
blueknowing 